You need to stay away from me
by WolfKomoki
Summary: Barry couldn't believe his eyes. He'd wanted to know Savitar's identity for some time now. After all, he's been a thorn in his side for ages. Now that he knows Savitar's identity, he wished that he didn't.
1. Chapter 1

**The Flash is owned by the CW. Inspired by cold and paperskin by briarsrosie.**

Barry couldn't believe his eyes. He'd wanted to know Savitar's identity for some time now. After all, he's been a thorn in his side for ages. Now that he knows Savitar's identity, he wished that he didn't. Never in his life did Barry think he could _ever_ do what Savitar has done.

The thing is, is that he _is_ Savitar, no matter how much he denies it. The scariest thing about it? When Henry was killed, he could have turned into Savitar right then, and there. If he can kill Iris, then who knows what he was capable of? That's the thing that scares him the most.

"No more walks on the dark side" Joe had told him once, and Barry had promised. No more walks on the dark side. The problem was that he'd already broken that promise, when he became Savitar. Savitar could hurt his friends, could Barry?

Barry understands Caitlin's fear now. She was so afraid that she would turn into Killer Frost and hurt her friends, and now? Barry was afraid of the same thing. Barry had been so desperate to get his speed back, but now? Barry would do anything to get rid of it. Funny how things change, huh?

It hits him like a ton of bricks one day. If he was Savitar, then that means that he created Alchemy. Julian was Alchemy because of him. Wally was Kid Flash because of him. Iris was going to die because of him.

He's Barry Allen, but he's the Flash too.

He's the Flash, but he's Savitar too. He hadn't understood why Caitlin would work with Savitar so easily at the time. Couldn't understand why she'd trust him so easily. Now that he knows that Savitar is him, it makes sense. Caitlin was willing to work with Savitar, because Savitar is him.

Eddie was right when he'd said that the Flash was a menace. Savitar is a monster, and so was he. Barry knew who Savitar was now, and now there was only one thing he could do, he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops.

He's scared. Scared of becoming a monster. Scared of hurting the people he cares about. Scared of becoming _him_. Barry has a dark side, he's seen it. He's seen it in Savitar, and he's seen it in himself.

When Henry was killed, he was so close to that edge. So close to becoming Savitar, and if it wasn't for his friends, he would have. So, he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops.

 _You're a monster. You're going to kill Iris. You're going to hurt Wally. You made Julian become Alchemy. And you manipulated Caitlin._

He didn't stop until he was in Star City. His fingers clawing at the suit as he tries to breathe. His heart pounding in his ear as his breath hitches in his throat. His vision blurs as he runs, and his heart almost stops.

"Barry." A voice calls.

"You need to stop. You need to breathe." It warns. He can't. He can't stop, not when the threat of becoming Savitar is still out there. Not when he's so scared.

His fingers grab at his cowl, shaking as he takes it off. The material is constricting, and he can't breathe. He's scared. Scared of becoming a monster. Scared of hurting the people he cares about. Scared of becoming _him_. He's a monster. _A terrifying monster,_ and he can feel himself slipping.

"You need to stay away from me." He warns.

"Allen what are you talking about?" Julian asks.

"If I'm capable of becoming Savitar then who knows what I'm capable of?" He answers, and so he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops. Savitar was him, and he was Savitar. They were one and the same, and he could become him any day now.

His fingers were clawing at the suit now, trying to take it off. He doesn't deserve the suit. Doesn't deserve to be called a hero. He's a monster. _A terrifying monster._ A monster through and through.

He's going to kill Iris. He's going to hurt Wally. He made Julian become Alchemy. And he manipulated Caitlin.

He opens the suit, his body shivering from the cold. He didn't deserve the suit. He wasn't a hero anymore, he was a _monster_. A cold-hearted monster, incapable of remorse.

A loud gasp escapes from his throat, his entire body shaking with fear. He needs to be locked up. He needs to be stopped. He doesn't want to become Savitar. He doesn't. _Please_ don't let him become Savitar.

He sees a knife gleaming in the distance. He grabs it, holding it steadily in his hands. He positions it near his abdomen, and pierces it.

He expects to die right away. That didn't happen. He's hit with a vibrational blast, the knife having been knocked out of his hand. His vision starts to blur, and he sees Cisco looking up at him.

"Barry!" He shouts. Barry's bleeding now, his vision becoming more and more blurry.

" _What did you do?"_ Cisco shouts, fingers pressing cloth to the wound. His hearing was becoming fuzzy now, everything was muffled.

" _No_ Barry! Stay with me!" Cisco shouts. He's holding him now, fingers covered in blood as he tends to his wounds.

"Oh, my God!" Julian shouts.

"What did you _do_!" Joe shouts. He was fading now. In and out of consciousness.

"No Barry! Stay awake!" Iris sobs, and he's gone.

When Barry wakes up everything feels heavy. Everything is too bright, and loud. His head is spinning, and he's exhausted.


	2. Chapter 2

The Flash is owned by The CW

Cisco finds Barry. He's holding a knife steadily in his hands. He positions it near his abdomen, and he stabs himself.

" _No_!" Cisco shouts, hitting the knife with a vibrational blast as he knocks it out of Barry's hand. He holds him, tears pouring from his eyes.

"Barry!" He shouts. Barry's bleeding now, his vision becoming more and more blurry.

" _What did you do?"_ Cisco shouts, fingers pressing cloth to the wound. Barry's eyes flutter, threatening to close.

" _No_ Barry! Stay with me!" Cisco shouts. He's holding him now, fingers covered in blood as he tends to his wounds.

"Oh, my God!" Julian shouts.

"What did you _do_!" Joe shouts. He was fading now. In and out of consciousness.

"No Barry! Stay awake!" Iris sobs, and he's gone. Wally drapes Barry over his shoulder, strapping him into the back of the Star Labs Van. Julian's hooking him up to the machines, removing the clothing around the wound. He can't remove the knife, as it's keeping him from bleeding out.

He's applying pressure to the wound, dressing it once again as he tries to stop the bleeding. _God, there_ _'s_ _so much blood._ He's moved him so that the wound is away from his heart. He can barely dress the wound, not when the knife was still in his abdomen. _God Allen, why did you do this to yourself?_

They arrive at Star Labs after what feels like an eternity. Wally carries Barry inside of the medical bay, gently placing him on the cot as he vibrates his hand inside Barry's abdomen, gripping the knife as he carefully removes it, and any shards embedded in Barry's organs.

Julian starts cleaning the wound after that. God, he's never seen so much blood. It's at this point that Julian is thankful that Barry is unconscious. If there's one thing that he never wants to hear again, it's Allen screaming in pain. Julian doesn't understand why he goes out there every day, putting his life in danger to save people.

He's packing the wound now, covering it with saline, and gauze, and tape. He applies glue around the edges of the skin surrounding the wound. He applies a strip of tape to one edge of the wound, closing the skin gap with his hand as he applies the other side of the tape. He covers the wound with a clean cloth, silently praying for Allen's healing abilities to kick in.

It was two minutes later when the heart rate monitor starts beeping, and Barry starts seizing.

"Allen! Allen! Jesus Christ!" Julian panics, and that's when he turns him on his side, making sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit as he seizes. Suddenly, Barry stops seizing.

"Allen?" He calls, turning Barry back over. He presses his fingers to Barry's neck, and he realizes that he's not breathing.

"Cisco! Grab the crash cart! Wally grab the oxygen!" He shouts, and that's when Cisco runs. Wally grabs the oxygen bag in seconds, placing the mask over Barry's lips as Julian instructs him on using the device. Cisco starts CPR, Wally continuing to squeeze the oxygen as they try to get Barry breathing.

"What are you _doing_? Charge the paddles!" Iris demands.

"I can't he's flatlined!" Julian shouts, still administering CPR. Wally was too tired to squeeze anymore, and that's when he drops the device.

"Come back!" Julian sobs. He can't stop CPR, he won't stop CPR.

" _Please_ come back!" He sobs.

"Julian. It's been over five minutes. _He's_ gone." HR sighs sadly. It was at this point that Julian finally stops, loudly sobbing as he stares at the zero on the heart rate monitor. It was at this point that Cisco hits Barry's chest with the hardest vibrational blast that he can manage, a last-ditch effort to get his heart beating.

It was at this point that the heart rate monitor quietly beeps, numbers slowly starting to appear as Barry's heart works on beating again.

"Oh! Allen!" Julian sighs with relief.

"That's it, _that's it,_ mate. _Come back to us._ " Julian pleads, clutching Barry's wrist as he feels for a pulse. Barry's pulse was barely there. It makes sense, there was only a two on the monitor. It was minutes later when the numbers went from a two, to a fifty.

"Why is his heart rate so slow?" Cisco asks.

"I don't know. Caitlin would have a better answer for you, and I just don't have it." Julian sighs. It was about ten minutes later when it reads one hundred.

"Hey, why don't you go home for the day, get some rest? I'll watch over him." Cisco orders, seeing the exhausted look in Julian's eyes.

"Thank you, Cisco." Julian yawns, calling for an uber to drive him home. Barry's wound had started bleeding again, and that's when Cisco changes his bandages. _Come on, Barry._

The monitor reads one hundred-ten now. Cisco sighs. This was considered tachycardia in normal people, but for Barry? This was _slow_.

Forty minutes later, the monitors read two hundred.

 _Better, but it's still too slow._ Cisco sighs. An hour later, the monitor reads two hundred-ten. It was at this point that Cisco runs his fingers through Barry's hair.

"Come back to me." He pleads, gently kissing his forehead. He sits by his side, grabbing his wrist as he feels for the pulse that he so desperately needs. He sighs with relief when he finds one.

It was an hour later when Barry's heart rate finally reached its normal speed.

Cisco kisses his forehead again. Runs his fingers through Barry's hair. He's tired now, and he presses another cot next to Barry, grabbing his wrist as he falls asleep next to him. Barry's wound heals three hours later. It was eight hours later when Cisco opens his eyes. Barry's wound was healed now, and that's when Cisco removes the bandages.

"You're awake." Julian greets, walking into the room.

"What time is it?" Cisco yawns.

"About ten thirty in the morning." Julian answers. When Barry wakes up everything feels heavy. Everything is too bright, and loud. His head is spinning, and he's exhausted.


	3. Chapter 3

"Has he figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, standing on top of a roof with Savitar.

"Yes." Savitar smirks.

"What did he do?" Caitlin asks.

"He stabbed himself." Savitar answers.

"Wait, he stabbed himself? But he's _you_." Caitlin asks with confusion.

"Yes, and that's exactly why he stabbed himself." Savitar chuckles.

"He's so afraid of becoming me, that the idea of death is more appealing." Savitar chuckles.

"I created Alchemy to be my right-hand man, and it was perfect too, until he showed up. I created Kid Flash to oppose him, and of course, the traitor joined him instead. I killed Iris because I needed him to become me. I chose you, because I know that he's hurt you.

I knew you wouldn't hesitate. It's just so easy to toy with them. I know their weaknesses. I know just what it takes to break them." He gloats.

"You're the cure for my illness. Caitlin Snow is a disease, that you cured, and for that, I'm forever grateful." Caitlin chuckles.

"Has Team Arrow figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, and that's when Savitar gets an idea.

"Oh, Killer Frost, you are a genius!" Savitar smirks, and that's when he races to Star City. When he gets to Star City, he chuckles. He can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they figure it out. He finds the Arrow Cave easily enough, and that's when he races in.

"Um, hello?" Rene asks, staring at the stranger. Okay, why the hell was a metal guy with blue glowing eyes staring at him right now?

"Hello." Savitar greets.

"Can I help you?" Curtis asks.

"Prometheus, right?" Savitar asks.

"Yes, you still haven't explained what you're doing here, though." Quentin answers.

"What, you don't recognize me? I guess I do look a little different, since the last time you saw me." Savitar chuckles.

"Pal, I've never seen you before in my life." Diggle retorts.

"Oh, but you have, you just don't realize it yet." Savitar chuckles.

"Okay, if we supposedly know you, name something that would ring a bell." Felicity demands.

"Nora Allen. Henry Allen. The Pipeline. Eobard Thawne. Harrison Wells. Harry Wells. Hunter Zoloman. Jay Garrick.

Jesse Quick. Flashpoint. 2024. 2056. Julian Albert.

Alchemy. Caitlin Snow. Kid Flash. Iris West. Killer Frost.

Earth-2. Earth-38. Earth-3. Oliver Queen. The Flash.

Zoom. I'd been there for all of it, and I _loved_ it." Savitar answers, and it was at this point that Oliver's eyes widened.

" _Barry_?" He gasps, and that's when his head explodes.

"Wait….if Savitar is Barry, then…" Curtis starts.

"Then everything that has happened to Barry Allen, was because of Barry Allen." Diggle concludes.

"My head hurts." Quentin complained.

."There's one thing I don't get though. _Why_?" Rene asks.

"I created Alchemy to be my right-hand man, and it was perfect too, until he showed up. I created Kid Flash to oppose him, and of course, the traitor joined him instead. I killed Iris because I needed him to become me. I chose Killer Frost, because I knew that I, he's, hurt her.

I knew she wouldn't hesitate in joining me. It's just so easy to toy with them. I know their weaknesses. I know just what it takes to break them, and I know just what it takes to break _you_." Savitar answers, and that's when Quentin grabs his gun, firing bullets at Savitar.

The bullets disintegrate upon hitting the armor, he had already been shot once, and so he makes an impenetrable suit.

"Did you really think that would work? This is all history to me. What can _you_ do that you haven't done already?" Savitar chuckles, and that's when he returns to Killer Frost's side.

"Oliver?" Felicity asks after he leaves.

"Yeah?" Oliver asks.

"What the _hell_ was that? How is that _thing_ Barry?" Diggle demands.

"I don't know. All I do know, is that he's a future version of Barry." Oliver sighs.

Barry's head was pounding. He could see everything that Savitar is doing through his eyes.

" _Has he figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, standing on top of a roof with Savitar._

 _"Yes." Savitar smirks._

 _"What did he do?" Caitlin asks._

 _"He stabbed himself." Savitar answers._

 _"Wait, he stabbed himself? But he's you." Caitlin asks with confusion._

" _Yes, and that's exactly why he stabbed himself." Savitar chuckles._

He's vaguely aware of someone shouting his name _before he's back in Savitar's eyes again._

" _He's so afraid of becoming me, that the idea of death is more appealing." Savitar chuckles._

 _"I created Alchemy to be my right-hand man, and it was perfect too, until he showed up. I created Kid Flash to oppose him, and of course, the traitor joined him instead. I killed Iris because I needed him to become me. I chose you, because I know that he's hurt you._

 _I knew you wouldn't hesitate. It's just so easy to toy with them. I know their weaknesses. I know just what it takes to break them." He gloats._

" _You're the cure for my illness. Caitlin Snow is a disease, that you cured, and for that, I'm forever grateful." Caitlin chuckles._

"Cisco! What's happening!" A voice shouts, and that's when he's pulled back in.

" _Has Team Arrow figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, and that's when Savitar gets an idea._

 _"Oh, Killer Frost, you are a genius!" Savitar smirks, and that's when he races to Star City. When he gets to Star City, he chuckles. He can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they figure it out. He finds the Arrow Cave easily enough, and that's when he races in._

 _"Um, hello?" Rene asks, staring at the stranger. Okay, why the hell was a metal guy with blue glowing eyes staring at him right now?_

 _"Hello." Savitar greets._

 _"Can I help you?" Curtis asks._

 _"Prometheus, right?" Savitar asks._

 _"Yes, you still haven't explained what you're doing here, though." Quentin answers._

 _"What, you don't recognize me? I guess I do look a little different, since the last time you saw me." Savitar chuckles._

 _"Pal, I've never seen you before in my life." Diggle retorts._

 _"Oh, but you have, you just don't realize it yet." Savitar chuckles._


	4. Chapter 4

"You scared the hell out of me Allen." Julian sighs when Barry opens his eyes.

"What happened?" Barry asked.

"Your heart stopped. We almost lost you." Cisco answers. Barry's head felt like it was on fire. Everything was muffled, and his head was spinning. It was at this point that everything fades, and he finds himself looking at Savitar.

Barry's head was pounding. He could see everything that Savitar is doing through his eyes.

" _Has he figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, standing on top of a roof with Savitar._

 _"Yes." Savitar smirks._

 _"What did he do?" Caitlin asks._

 _"He stabbed himself." Savitar answers._

 _"Wait, he stabbed himself? But he's you." Caitlin asks with confusion._

" _Yes, and that's exactly why he stabbed himself." Savitar chuckles._

"Allen?" Julian asks with concern, seeing the glassy look in his eyes.

"Barry? Barry! Barry!" Cisco shouts, shaking his shoulders. Barry looks at Cisco for a minute before he's back in Savitar's eyes again.

" _He's so afraid of becoming me, that the idea of death is more appealing." Savitar chuckles._

 _"I created Alchemy to be my right-hand man, and it was perfect too, until he showed up. I created Kid Flash to oppose him, and of course, the traitor joined him instead. I killed Iris because I needed him to become me. I chose you, because I know that he's hurt you._

 _I knew you wouldn't hesitate. It's just so easy to toy with them. I know their weaknesses. I know just what it takes to break them." He gloats._

" _You're the cure for my illness. Caitlin Snow is a disease, that you cured, and for that, I'm forever grateful." Caitlin chuckles._

"Cisco! What's happening!" Julian shouts.

"I don't know! I don't know!" Cisco shrieks.

" _Has Team Arrow figured it out yet?" Caitlin asks, and that's when Savitar gets an idea._

 _"Oh, Killer Frost, you are a genius!" Savitar smirks, and that's when he races to Star City. When he gets to Star City, he chuckles. He can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they figure it out. He finds the Arrow Cave easily enough, and that's when he races in._

 _"Um, hello?" Rene asks, staring at the stranger. Okay, why the hell was a metal guy with blue glowing eyes staring at him right now?_

 _"Hello." Savitar greets._

 _"Can I help you?" Curtis asks._

 _"Prometheus, right?" Savitar asks._

 _"Yes, you still haven't explained what you're doing here, though." Quentin answers._

 _"What, you don't recognize me? I guess I do look a little different, since the last time you saw me." Savitar chuckles._

 _"Pal, I've never seen you before in my life." Diggle retorts._

 _"Oh, but you have, you just don't realize it yet." Savitar chuckles._

 _"Okay, if we supposedly know you, name something that would ring a bell." Felicity demands._

 _"Nora Allen. Henry Allen. The Pipeline. Eobard Thawne. Harrison Wells. Harry Wells. Hunter Zoloman. Jay Garrick._

 _Jesse Quick. Flashpoint. 2024. 2056. Julian Albert._

 _Alchemy. Caitlin Snow. Kid Flash. Iris West. Killer Frost._

 _Earth-2. Earth-38. Earth-3. Oliver Queen. The Flash._

 _Zoom. I'd been there for all of it, and I_ loved _it." Savitar answers, and it was at this point that Oliver's eyes widened._

 _"_ Barry _?" He gasps, and that's when his head explodes._

 _"Wait….if Savitar is Barry, then…" Curtis starts._

 _"Then everything that has happened to Barry Allen, was because of Barry Allen." Diggle concludes._

 _"My head hurts." Quentin complained._

 _"There's one thing I don't get though._ Why _?" Rene asks._

 _"I created Alchemy to be my right-hand man, and it was perfect too, until he showed up. I created Kid Flash to oppose him, and of course, the traitor joined him instead. I killed Iris because I needed him to become me. I chose Killer Frost, because I knew that I, he's, hurt her._

 _I knew she wouldn't hesitate in joining me. It's just so easy to toy with them. I know their weaknesses. I know just what it takes to break them, and I know just what it takes to break_ _you_ _." Savitar answers, and that's when Quentin grabs his gun, firing bullets at Savitar._

 _The bullets disintegrate upon hitting the armor, he had already been shot once, and so he makes an impenetrable suit._

 _"Did you really think that would work? This is all history to me. What can_ you _do that you haven't done already?" Savitar chuckles, and that's when he returns to Killer Frost's side._

It was about two minutes later when Barry comes around, his eyes slowly focusing.

"Barry? You with me?" Cisco asks, slowly walking over to him.

"My head feels like it's on fire." Barry moans.

"What happened?" Julian asks with concern.

"I don't know. I was watching Savitar through his eyes." Barry answers.

"That's... I don't know how to feel about that." Cisco mutters.

"Maybe it's like with me, when he communicates with me." Julian offers.

"I'm scared Julian. What if I can't separate myself from him next time?" Barry asks. It was then that HR walks into the room.

"Then we'll jus' 'ave t' 'ave Cisco vibe his way into yer mind 'n pull ye out." HR answers, speaking in a stereotypical movie pirate voice. It was at this point that Barry chuckles.

"Okay HR." He chuckles. It was then he noticed that HR was carrying a large bag.

"What's that?" Barry asks. It was then that HR opens the bag, placing a large teddy bear on the table.

"You… bought a teddy bear?" Barry asks.

"It's yours." HR informs.

"Get over here." Barry orders, and that's when HR walks over to him.

"Thank you, I love it." Barry smiles, pulling him in for a hug.

"Don't you ever scare us like that again." HR orders.

"I'll try not to." Barry chuckles. It was then that Iris and Joe walked into the room. When they walked into the room, Iris runs over to Barry, holding him as tight as she could as tears poured from her eyes.

"What were you _thinking_?" Joe shouts.

"I was _scared_ Joe. I didn't want to become him." Barry answers.

"So, you decide to _stab_ yourself? What the _hell, Barry_!" Iris shouts.


End file.
